Not an Oracle

Life can be pretty horrifying. That's what they refuse to tell you when you are small and fresh from the womb. Some of us learn pretty quickly just how horrifying it can be, whilst others glide through life blissfully unaware with the blinders securely fastened in place. Some days provide more challenges than others and require patience and casual reminders to yourself that there can be more beyond the superficial cuts and grazes. But it is never going to be easy. Especially, not for the ones who learnt those prickly lessons earlier on.

Forward can be a difficult direction to take but you bite the bitter fruit and you squeeze away the tears and realise that it's the only direction to go. You realise you learnt those lessons for a reason. They became your armour and they became your motivation. You use what you have and show them that you are still in the game and even though those scars still sting, you don't show an ounce of pain on your face.

We never really break old habits. We just learn ways to distract ourselves from them. If we dig deep enough or stop going against the grain, they will be found stored away in little boxes at the bottom of our souls.

As the Rolling Stones once informed us, you can't always get what you want.

But sometimes it would be nice.

'Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace' ~ Albert Schweitzer

I have often debated whether or not I should post anything about this subject matter as it more than likely presents a minefield of various different reactions. I have landed in numerous debates around the dinner table about this topic, where I have tried to put my point across or explain my views but a lot of the time, it is either undermined or glossed over. The very last thing I want to do is to come across preachy or condescending and I can understand why some people may get defensive or don't want to talk about it. I used to act the exact same way. However, if it makes one person stop and re-think their lifestyle and make a change then I believe it to be justified.

It was a warm, sunny day in early summer in 2010. Not a cloud in the sky. It felt like any another other standard day; I awoke the same way, drank my coffee in the same manner and went about my day as I usually did. Unbeknownst to myself, I would not be going to bed as the same person. I had been browsing the internet for some part of the morning and I stumbled across a post on Facebook with a link to a video by Paul McCartney. An ex-Beatle was about to change my life. The video was called 'Glass Walls' and I distinctly remember Paul's introduction, '... I have often said if slaughter houses had glass walls, everyone would be vegetarian.' The next fifteen minutes broke my heart. It literally felt as though someone had slashed open my own chest with a rusty blade, torn out all my internal organs and thrown the bloody mess into a meat grinder. This video had reduced a grown man to tears and made me swear from that moment onwards not to play a role in any part of that process I had just witnessed.

The strange thing is that I had always had some form of awareness about how the meat industry worked but I had found it was quite easy to detach myself from those events that took place in the slaughterhouses and farms. The neatly packaged, processed meat that can be purchased from any supermarket did not resemble the living creature it once was. It was easy to not form the connection. I had often shrugged off stories from vegetarians and vegans in the past. I did not want to acknowledge the truth and the last thing I wanted to do was to change my eating habits because someone was trying to make me feel guilty or bad about it. It was difficult not to get defensive and claim 'well everyone else does it' and 'it's unhealthy not to eat meat'. I am a little bit embarrassed looking back at those comments now. I had spent twenty-five years quite happily not acknowledging what had happened to the food on my plate. From the moment that video ended and I swore to myself 'never to eat meat again' I threw out all the meat products I had previously bought and started researching vegetarianism.

The transition was relatively easy. I did my homework on the topic and with trepidation, I looked further into the meat and animal-product industries. I was shocked to read that humans are not evolved to be carnivorous; that in fact our teeth are blunt and square and our jaws 'grind' in order to better masticate vegetation rather than sharp and pointed teeth prevalent in carnivores that are established to tear at flesh and chew. Our large intestinal pathway is not developed to process meat as with carnivores who have small intestines to quickly dispose of the flesh to prevent it going bad and causing disease. Humans also don't have claws like carnivores and so forth. I was fascinated to discover these facts but also somewhat upset and angry that I had not received this education at a younger age. I also learnt that some vegetables, nuts and seeds have high protein content and there are an abundance of health benefits as a result of not eating meat. A whole new world had opened up.

To this day, I can not comprehend the torture and barbaric treatment of sentient beings. My stomach turned as I witnessed 'factory workers' and 'farmers' secretly filmed while they cruelly beat, kicked, stabbed, threw and tortured these helpless animals. Seeing calves being taken away form their mothers and hearing their cries and seeing the fear before they are killed was unbearable. It was beyond difficult to view and I still can not understand how a human-being who is supposed to be capable of empathy and compassion act in such a way. I will never understand it.

I think there is definitely a stigma attached to vegetarians and vegans but what we have to realise is that we all have a choice and choices are not always easy things to make. I have been subjected to a lot of judgement and jokes because of my eating habits and lifestyle choices. All I ask is that people open their eyes and mind and acknowledge the truth. That is all. Whatever choice they make is up to them and that is not my business. I will not pass judgement or make jokes. My only regret is not being aware or having this information at an earlier age but the important thing now is that I am and I do.

So here is a link to that very video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql8xkSYvwJs

Please be warned, it is very graphic but I urge everyone to watch it just once. Maybe an ex-Beatle will change your life too.

The greatest thing about music is that it is experienced differently by everyone. Music latched to emotions, memories, situations, for strength, for courage, for boredom, for stimulation, for inspiration, for ambiance.

Writing is like wading through your own vomit.
It is the only way to physically see what is inside of you.

How do you make sense of things?

I don't.

The idea of trying to make sense of everything is infinitely vast. The void that can never be filled. I attempt to make sense of the things I can but I really believe that the truth is this; 'not much makes any sense'. A lot of what we perceive is nothing more than coincidences and random happenings that resolve in the 'here and now'. However, this is not to say that lessons can not be learned and that there is not room for progression. Maybe the random production of events is all part of a planned outcome.

Who is to say?

Dear Winter,

I am over you now.

Back in September I was ready for your icy chill to descend upon us so I could wrap up in several cosy layers and finally put those 'back-of-the-wardrobe-bound' hats, gloves and scarves to use. I romanticised the idea of sipping hot drinks by a large, roaring fire-place whilst your cold fingers cloaked the outside world by night. I had anticipated a light dusting of snow during the holiday period so that the Christmas lights on the outdoor trees shone just a little bit brighter and December resembled one of those standardised 'festive-white-Christmas' pictures they print on the cards you can buy from a supermarket. However, I have now reached the point where I am tired of having cold feet that never get warm and braving the freezing gales that seem to shred through my skin. Those dark mornings when leaving the warm, womb-like comfort of bed feels like a torture practised only in hell. I can not bear another day of jumping over and avoiding slippery, frost-laden walkways like a character from a video-game or nursing a nose turned red from the bitter breeze. I am done with you. Thank you for gracing us with your presence but it is time you allowed your good friend Spring to take the driver's seat and hurtle us in to somewhat more humane climates. Dare I even tempt Summer to come along and offer up a warming cuddle? Farewell Winter and Bon Voyage.

Yours Sincerely,

A cold person

There seems to be a prevalence in weightless remarks aimed at either being derogatory or in highlighting other peoples alleged flaws. Negative aspects seem to be glorified more than the positive and this only serves to create nothing more than a vicious cycle. It makes me want nothing more than the sky to explode in a violent display of colour and light. The ground to rumble and crack and swallow buildings up whole. The desperate fact of the matter is this is what constitutes as survival for some. It makes them feel better about themselves to see someone fail or to make a mockery out of what they perceive to be a flaw. The 'Us' and 'Them' attitude serves nothing more than to oppress and invalidate any sense of individuality and if we do not live in a land of conformity then we are nothing but doomed. There are times when I can be too pre-occupied with the pieces that I struggle to see the overall picture. Fragments and lines, blank spaces and gaps. There is too much to consider. The world becomes one giant jigsaw and I am faced with the prospect of fitting the pieces together without a flat surface in sight. There are pieces that don't fit or others are duplicated and I end up with too much of the same thing. This does not mean that I project my confusion on to someone else. I am far from perfect but I still want progress. I know I am not the only one aware of the uphill struggle and the feeling of someone taking a sledgehammer to my skull every time I hear an ignorant or derogatory comment. I try to celebrate the small accomplishments and the little things that make life shine that little bit brighter. I try to see the best in everyone and the potential that can be utilised. Of course, nothing is ever that clear-cut and not everything will make sense but if we breathe life in to the urge to appreciate the small things then the larger things will start to fall in to place.