Not an Oracle

It's a strange feeling when you come to the realisation that nothing will ever be the same again. We might think things are constant, we might even indulge in the same fruitless activities day in and day out with the preconception that it's ALWAYS THE SAME. But it's not. Somewhere, clock hands are turning, seasons are making their small changes daily, cells die and replicate. They are all making their subtle changes. As are we.

As I sit here on a cold Sunday in July, listening to the rain which hasn't ceased all day and Beach House's 'Apple Orchard' on repeat, I realise that I'm clambering to hold on to the things I've lost. Those seemingly endless hours of youth where adulthood felt as though it was an alien life-form living in a far off galaxy.

This was the moment the mild epiphany (if you can really call it that) occurred.

And you will have to forgive me for indulging in one or two clichés here, but sometimes they convey the idea in the simplest manner. Why spend time looking backwards when it has no use anymore? The past is the place we have come from but it sure isn't where we are going (unless time travel is discovered to be a reality). It's like being stuck in mud and you're facing the wrong way. You are not able to see any of the opportunities in front of you because you're fixed in one position, looking in the wrong damned direction!

I guess, I am a creature of habit and there's a certain security in looking at the past. It can't have any immediate effect on you. It's all over and done with and all you have to show for it is are a few fragmented memories, a bunch of scratches and scars and a little/infinite knowledge firing its way around inside of your skull. We may have collected all these things from the past and carry them around with us on a daily basis but there is no point in utilising them only to study how they were obtained back in the past and they may not even serve any purpose in the years ahead. However, one thing's for sure, the things coming at you, from this illusive concept we know as 'the future' sure can.

I thought it was time for a Blog overhaul. Part of me wanted to go through all the entries from the past couple of years and delete them. There was an urgent need to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. Nonetheless, I resisted the urge and I decided to let them reside here for now; there's no harm in leaving them outside and allowing them to breathe for a while longer. A persistent niggling urge still summoned me to change something though, so I toyed around with several different formats and themes and eventually settled on this current one for the time being.

I also changed the name.

I dug a little hole and buried 'Ouija Disco'. It didn't serve a purpose anymore and I settled on the name: 'Not an Oracle'. An obvious statement one might conclude. I'm also not a professional advice-giver, psychologist or animal trainer. I'm merely a thirty year old man who thinks way too much. Both a curse and a blessing but I've gotten used to its prickly grasp. I'm not sure what use this minor modification will have but sometimes it's nice to embrace a little change, shake the sheets, blow the dust, rearrange the furniture. So for now, 'Ouija Disco' lies in a tiny make-shift grave just outside my bedroom window. The beauty of graves however, is that they can always be dug up again...