offwiththeirdollheads | Entries tagged with challenges

Have you ever not been good enough? Have you ever felt as though everyone around you has a plan and a direction in life? Have you ever drank too much in the hope that it will unlock some unconscious inspiration or at least squeeze out an ounce of self confidence? Have you ever doubted yourself? Have you ever been afraid to relish the chance of taking a risk or declined an opportunity of doing something that might make your heart beat a little bit faster? Have you ever bit your lower lip to prevent yourself from saying something that might cause conflict? Have you ever been terrified that you stand too far out from the crowd and that you can not relate to the 'general public?' Have you ever not been able to articulate what it is that you really want to say? Have you ever tried to sleep your days away? If so, I think you and I could be friends.

Sometimes just moving forward is good enough. There is no competition for air or to be first, to be acknowledged or to have your voice heard. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is enough. It takes you through to the next moment and from there you move to the next. Sometimes that is the only way you can live. It is the instinct for survival.

The concept of next week or tomorrow becomes a faded premise; an idea that can not be fully understood like gravity or why some people like coffee flavoured chocolate. You do the best you can with the present moment and that is enough to allow you space to breathe. Sometimes, the very thought of 'next week' or 'next month' fills you with catatonic dread that it blocks the present and poisons it with its toxic intentions. So you don't flip the page on the calendar and write down what you plan to do three Tuesdays from today. You don't buy the winter jacket while the summer sun is showing signs of fatigue or make a list of Christmas presents whilst carving pumpkins on Halloween. Sometimes, just moving forward is good enough.

Life can be pretty horrifying. That's what they refuse to tell you when you are small and fresh from the womb. Some of us learn pretty quickly just how horrifying it can be, whilst others glide through life blissfully unaware with the blinders securely fastened in place. Some days provide more challenges than others and require patience and casual reminders to yourself that there can be more beyond the superficial cuts and grazes. But it is never going to be easy. Especially, not for the ones who learnt those prickly lessons earlier on.

Forward can be a difficult direction to take but you bite the bitter fruit and you squeeze away the tears and realise that it's the only direction to go. You realise you learnt those lessons for a reason. They became your armour and they became your motivation. You use what you have and show them that you are still in the game and even though those scars still sting, you don't show an ounce of pain on your face.

This is an anonymous thank you.

Your words inspire and bolster my belief that everything will work out okay. The road may twist and turn and the unexpected may choose to travel the same path as the expected. And there are days when the ceilings creep lower and the walls close in but you offer assurance that there are still stars and skies outside the brick and mortar. You have my upmost gratitude and though you may never know, I dispel my thanks out to the universe in the hope that it may reach you with a fleeting moment of warmth.

It's so easy to feel burdened. We go day-to-day carrying the events from the day before and the day before that with us. If we are not careful with what we pay attention to, these things become our burdens and serve only to hinder us and hold us back. The key is paying attention to the good experiences and the positive events. These are the driving forces of the human spirit and keep us grounded. The odd negative or constructive criticism can also provide fuel but we must learn to let the majority of negative events go. Situations take place, bad things happen, the trick is acknowledge it and then dispense of it. The greater the weight of these past events, the harder and more challenging it is to move forward. It's like they say, 'the past is the past for a reason'.

Despite the lack of commitment in the true sense of the word,
I have resolved to finding the mundane my ultimate past-time.
Reeling in the weight-gaining materialism of the 'bucket-culture'.
Here I am, exhuming the bitter parts that we had long since forgotten,
wishing for a cremation, a ceremony, a send-off.
They still linger beneath these fickle layers of skin.
Haunting me. Persuading me. Consuming me.
What happened to that exuberance of committing to worthiness?
To celebrating the flow of the juice of the soul.
Sky-rocketing like sex, the pleasure-tingling experiences tasted on a spoon.
They have been laid to rest and the rot smells putrid.
Hush, hush these swirling desires.
There is so much more to be gained from abstinence,
Says the devil perched to my right.
This schizophrenic torture remains a burden and I am lost in the flutter of possibilities.
For longing to live again, vexes me.
The sacrifices are too steep.
First steps are always the most difficult.

The hardest part of all is claiming something of your own.

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Not an Oracle

Entries tagged with challenges

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January 2016

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