offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
I'm disappearing and they never warned me that it would be so difficult to remove red wine stains from the rug. A scar upon it's surface.
I'm disappearing and they don't tell you what decay smells like until you have experienced it for yourself. Skin blackened and ready to burst from the lightest of touches but you just can't bring yourself to lay your fingers upon the rancid looking flesh.
I'm disappearing and I've forgotten what it feels like to not have to worry about the undefinable future. To see through it's deceitful veil and know not of what it brings nor be affected by it's endless outcomes.

I'm disappearing and I know that they look upon me with fear in their eyes. Maybe it's not fear, maybe it's something rooted a little bit deeper. Of contempt. They do not wish to allow that sort of torture unsheathe inside of them. To feel it's pin prick as it begins to unravel and systematically shut down each of their functioning body parts. It's not your problem, it's someone else's but therein lies the problem. Not a singular person to surrender and suck the venom from the bite.
I'm disappearing but I guess you knew that already.
offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
Sleep has become a stranger but I am more accepting of my flaws. The weeks don't seem to last as long as they used to, it's almost as though Monday follows Monday. I am trying to reconnect with old friends but beginning to realise that I don't have as many as I used to. Maybe that's something that comes with getting older. The heat is stifling and I dream of snow drifts. Too much time is spent wondering 'what if' and not enough time spent being 'pro-active' - whatever that means. I blame the heat. Music and wine seem to provide my only solace. Let's hope I can rest these weary eyes.
offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
There seems to be a prevalence in weightless remarks aimed at either being derogatory or in highlighting other peoples alleged flaws. Negative aspects seem to be glorified more than the positive and this only serves to create nothing more than a vicious cycle. It makes me want nothing more than the sky to explode in a violent display of colour and light. The ground to rumble and crack and swallow buildings up whole. The desperate fact of the matter is this is what constitutes as survival for some. It makes them feel better about themselves to see someone fail or to make a mockery out of what they perceive to be a flaw. The 'Us' and 'Them' attitude serves nothing more than to oppress and invalidate any sense of individuality and if we do not live in a land of conformity then we are nothing but doomed. There are times when I can be too pre-occupied with the pieces that I struggle to see the overall picture. Fragments and lines, blank spaces and gaps. There is too much to consider. The world becomes one giant jigsaw and I am faced with the prospect of fitting the pieces together without a flat surface in sight. There are pieces that don't fit or others are duplicated and I end up with too much of the same thing. This does not mean that I project my confusion on to someone else. I am far from perfect but I still want progress. I know I am not the only one aware of the uphill struggle and the feeling of someone taking a sledgehammer to my skull every time I hear an ignorant or derogatory comment. I try to celebrate the small accomplishments and the little things that make life shine that little bit brighter. I try to see the best in everyone and the potential that can be utilised. Of course, nothing is ever that clear-cut and not everything will make sense but if we breathe life in to the urge to appreciate the small things then the larger things will start to fall in to place.

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offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
Not an Oracle

January 2016

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