offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
It doesn't matter that you skilfully performed that famous 'trip dance' when you fell over your own feet in public, hoping that no one would notice or that the old woman who screeched 'I am not an invalid!' when you offered to help her on to the bus the other morning made you feel no larger than a penny. It doesn't matter that you waved to the stranger who you thought you recognised only to discover they were waving to their friend behind you or that your shopping bag split on the journey home, causing apples and potatoes to shoot out in all directions and inevitably forcing you to face the cumbersome decision of letting them roll away forever or scrambling to pick them up in red-faced silence. It doesn't matter that you spent the whole day with your trouser flies down on the same day you decided to wear cartoon alien boxers or that you tried to push the door which had the word 'PULL' in large capital letters plastered on the front of it. It doesn't matter that you found yourself plugged into your headphones and Wilson Phillip's 'Hold On' came on shuffle playing loud enough to be heard on public transportation when you are surrounded by people who are indiscreetly trying to hide the smiles creeping on their faces. It doesn't matter. I don't feel I have been successful in completing my day if I have not sent red-hot-lava-like blood rushing to my face or wanting one of those inexplicable sink holes that you hear about on the news from time to time, opening up beneath me and plunging me into the perfect hiding place. A small dose of humiliation from time to time keeps us humble and keeps us human. Despite the soaring sense of mortification each time I find myself dealing with another 'situation', I don't think I would have it any other way. I like my ego kept in line, thanks.


Dec. 29th, 2013 06:40 pm
offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
The FIA or in less polite terms; the 'Fuck It Attitude' has served me well in times of dire need and also in times of necessary amusement. When things begin to grow tiresome or you suddenly find yourself bogged down in a world of 'what ifs?' and 'how comes?' just say 'fuck it'. Without trying to sound too much like an infomercial or a less-than-helpful life coach, the FIA is an essential outlet when the going gets rough. Whisper it silently internally or scream it so loud that your lungs shrivel into dry, raspy sacks. The FIA works for almost all scenarios and situations.

You stubbed your toe getting out of the shower. Fuck it.
You spill coffee on your clean white shirt. Fuck it.
That crazy lady shouted obscenities and spat you from across the street. Fuck it.

You see where I am going with this.

I apologise for the strong language, I appreciate that it's not the most eloquent nor is it the most original or blossoming of words but it delivers an effective punch and at the same time provides a much-needed sense of catharsis. So next time you find yourself in a situation where you trip over your feet in the middle of a busy train station or you call your boss the wrong name in a meeting, remember the magic of the FIA.


offwiththeirdollheads: (Default)
Not an Oracle

January 2016


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