May. 8th, 2015

[M]ANxious

May. 8th, 2015 06:00 am
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The shakiness of my hands matches the tremble in my voice.

I am the walking stitched-up skin-sack filled with hollow brittle bones you see walking on the street. The flimsy bamboo shoot melody as they clink and clank with each forced footstep.

Heart as large as the moon. Gulping bowling-ball sized mouthfuls of air except it no longer tastes like air any more. Surgical. It is merely a desperate clinging for survival and my god... why is my heart racing so much? 'You're a man.' He said, 'men don't behave like this, quit complaining, snap out of it and get back in the game.'

I can see my atoms structured only with empty vessels of frenzy and perspiration. Molecules weakened by years of thinking a particular way. There's a heaviness pressing down, pinned by a shadow with a body as strong as ten men. Why is my heart battling my ribcage like a child kicking a ball against the wall? Thud, skid, thud, thud, skid.

And with each breath, the world collapses in on itself and the electricity that surges through my nervous system causes nothing but convulsions and shivers of biblical proportions. I've never felt so hot and so cold at the same time.

Walking like a drunk through the streets lined with litter and decomposing broken hearts.

You stole my voice yet again.

The words will not form. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. Except you stole the concept of hope a long time ago when you first wrapped your wrinkled, bony arms around me that time I could not scrub myself clean. The water ran red.

I thought you were a lesson I had to learn but I now know that you are just a curse I need to bury deep down in those fields of grey. The 3 am whispers must be put to bed and your clinical clawing has to cease.

The battle must be won.

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